Where is my idenity?

This week the Lord continued to give me more and more provisions and guidance. Our speaker, Cliff, talked about the Crucified Life and concentrated on Jesus and the amazing work he has done for us. The first day we talked mainly about idenity and where that lies. I would have to go back through my notes to fully encompass the lecture for monday but somethign else outside of the lecture helped me add on to the already indepth topic of idenity. In the past 2 or 3 weeks I have been "distracted" by this girl and although I wanted to get to know her my schedule was packed. Last week, as I mentioned, God asked me to give up my cell phone that I had only had for two days. One of the main reasons I bought that phone was to converse with this girl. That night last week the lord asked me to not just give up the phone but to give up control of wherever the potential relationship to Him. This week after the girl came over to hang out she basically ignored me and flirted with a different guy and the Lord that night put on my heart something way more important than any crush. The Lord was showing to me that I have been putting to much of my idenity in girls. I also have been trying to seek love and affirmation from girls as well and not seeking the Lord for his unconditional love. Although I knew I had done this in the past it was the first time that it really hit home. I have spent most of the week in prayer over those two topics and as the week has gone on I have been able to give more and more to God and I don't seem to worried about the girl anymore. One thing I also didn't mention last week was that one of my fellow students from the other base was woken up by the Lord early in the morning and God asked him to write me a letter based off what God told him to say. One of the things that the letter mentioned was exactly this revelation I learned this week for the letter said (paraphrase), "Spencer seek after me for my unconditional love. I know you search for love and its been hard having a father that is apsence and you have been hurt from 'sharp young lovers.'" As I have read the letter over and over again this week I keep thinking what is my priority, where will I be filled, and where can I get unconditional love and not "love" that is dependent on the ups and downs of a woman....and the answer can only be the love that comes from God.

As for the rest of the week we talked about how we need to take victory over sin and again it was very indepth and can't explain it all here but basically talked about how our bodies have died and sin can't take authority over us (and a whole lot more...) this week like last week has been adding on more and more of what I need to hear and bringing about a change in me that I could have never imagined. I am so excited about the next two weeks and then my outreach time for the Lord is far from done with showing me things that I need to grow in!